Growing up sucks for almost every reason, but one of the many is how impossible it is to make friends and maintain friendships. Although high school was hell, one perk was
not having crippling student debt seeing your pal’s tired glares warm smiles every single day. Then, you head off to college and now you’re all strewn across different cities, you’re all living different lives and you’re all struggling to stay connected. You promised Alice you’d be best friends forever! Did your matching neckless’ mean nothing?
It’s my fourth year living across Canada from the majority of my friends. Although my circle has diminished in size, I feel more connected to my pals than ever and here is how I did it:
More isn’t always merrier:
You can’t be best friends with everyone, so why put your lazy and limited millennial energy into the ones who don’t mean the most? In Calgary, I went from having a large group of friends surrounding me at all times, to moving to Toronto and sitting alone in my dorm room questioning my choice to leave. But, the longer I was away, the less people remembered me. Despite this, I still fought to maintain my presence in the group. Why? I thought I would feel less lonely with 20 distant friends than two close ones. This, of course, was not the case… less is more! I’m not saying ghost as hard as a hormonal 20-year-old boy exploring Tinder, but focus on the people who bring value to your life and you bring value to theirs. Years spent together doesn’t always override time well spent together. It took me two days in Toronto to find my friendship soulmate and after two years separated we’re still as tight as we were in those Humber College dorms.
Focus on the ones who make you feel loved:
I don’t know why it took me 23 years to realize this, but don’t waste your time with people who make you question if you’re likeable or not. I can’t believe the amount of time and energy I’ve wasted hanging out with people who made me question if they actually even liked me. Friends shouldn’t make you feel fear saying the wrong things or feel paranoid about getting talked about behind your back. I’ve experienced this mostly as an unwanted gift from some high-functioning anxiety (no one thinks about you as much you I think about you), but it took me until recently to realize how toxic that is — especially since I had friends who didn’t make me feel this way. Now, I focus on my inner circle who genuinely appreciate me and who I am obsessed with. Who’s taking the extra time to text you, call you and see you? To give love, you gotta feel loved!
Are they here for you or here for the party?
Ask yourself this next time you’re planning something big or small. It may surprise you how many people will put zero effort into attending your event until they find out who else is attending. You’re a Beyonce, so don’t let people treat you like a Michelle. Find your true few and you’ll feel free.